I remember somewhere, somehow, the terms confusion, chaos and obsession were the works of the devil. As I try to lean toward God during a time of difficulty, it is here where I feel most closest to the enemy. The enemy has prowled, he has devoured, and he has accomplished –at least in a temporary sense. He does not know however, that victory is God’s. God uses all people for His purposes and good.
I try to be a good person — one that helps the community, one that conforms with society, one that everyone will “approve of.” But at age 43, many things I have learned was not the goal of God’s kingdom. For example, being self-reliant. Just who do I think I am, thinking I, alone can change myself.
Having riveted over dozens and dozens of self-help book, since the time I was in college, I was often ridiculed by my mom how none of it seemed to have “helped.” That’s because I didn’t realize that God was in charge. I thought I could just read a book, absorb the material, and start implementing the ideas….Ha! Was I in for a ride.
Several months ago, I was at a vending machine and before I even put my coin in, I was already pessimistic saying that it’s going to take my money (because based on past experiences it has). The guard who was there made a comment, be careful of your vibes into the universe. He suggested I watch the “Secret” video on YouTube. I did not know that was self-help book at the time. Later, after I finally did watch it, it was all a culmination of everything I learned but could not apply to my life. The law of attraction –I see pessimism, and so my life is.
My point in all of this? Confusion. I would ask 20 people for the same questions to an answer. I would go to bookstores, reading hundreds of books, hoping for a cure. I’m confused right now, what is the correct course of action. Because in the end…..there is no doing 100% right in this world. Chaos is evident, life has limitless choices, and God just wants us to journey through this world, following His guidelines and precepts. It’s between Him and me now. Chaos, confusion, and obsession (in my case, to be perfect and good in every way, pleasing to EVERYONE –not possible) these are the devil’s lies.
And just in case you think evil won; think again. All my actions (good and bad) play a role in God’s plan. As I remember victory, I can rest assured, I am forgiven.